Gretchen giggled and then ran outside. I undressed quickly and followed her. She was already in the water and watching me as I ran toward her. When I was in the hot water and seated she handed me a glass of cranberry wine. We toasted the day and took a sip. When I saw the bottle I then realized that the cranberries were used to make wine. Gretchen confirmed that about twenty percent of her crop went into making wine and that the rest became cranberry juice. In her grandfather’s old age he had streamlined the operation until it was almost a one-person business. Almost!Gretchen said, “I like to watch your rabbit wiggle when you run.”I just said, “My rabbit?”Gretchen smiled and said, “That’s what grandma and grandpa always called it.”It was my turn to smile and ask, “Then what do you call your pussy?”Gretchen stood up so that I could see her pussy. She sat back on the edge of her Jacuzzi and opened her legs up wide for me too. She had a full bush on the top and the bottom was shaved. My own eyes filled with tears and I looked down and away at the floor because I didn't want her to see me cry and I thought to myself, 'My God, what am I doing? How can I be hurting this woman like this? This woman that I love so much, the mother of my children. I just don't have it in me.' And then I said aloud as I raised my head to look her in the eyes,"I'm sorry Lydia. I can't do this anymore. I don't really want to hurt you. I know you're not really a slut or a whore, and you're right, I was only trying to hurt you and make you feel the kind of pain I feel. I'm ashamed for that, but I'm confused Lydia. I've totally lost my bearings and I don't know what to do. Never in all my life have I felt so totally incapable of knowing what to do. I stood in that doorway last night for almost a minute watching you fuck Norm knowing that I should have rushed in and beat the shit out of Norm for what he was doing to you like any real man would do if he saw some other man fucking his woman..
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